I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
