I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You were trust falling into bushes
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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