He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
