How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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