wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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