I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
