I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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