there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
