My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
