i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
