You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
