Quick, to the slutcave!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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