I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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