they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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