i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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