Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
