I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
A bitchslap is in order.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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