Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
