Rock
Scissors
Fuck
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
