Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
