So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
