why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
