Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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