Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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