new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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