There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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