I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
