I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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