What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
