from now on my penis is your penis
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Someone came in the potted fern
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
