Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
