She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
