I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
