i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
