She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
