I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
