Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
