I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
