worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
