My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
