maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
