when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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