There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
