it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
