I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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