nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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