My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
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