I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
