is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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