Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
