I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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