my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
