His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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