I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm at about main and main street
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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