i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
