I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
