: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
