I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
