I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
