Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
