youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
