It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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