Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Randomize
