TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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