i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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