I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
