Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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