**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
