I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
