the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
