Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
