dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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