I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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