On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
