Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
